Several years ago, I met a family during one of the most difficult moments imaginable. Their teenage son was nearing the end of his life, and I had the privilege of walking alongside them before his death and participating with them in his Honor Walk.
But our relationship did not end when they left the hospital.
That is an important part of what I hope families understand about the Bereavement Program at Phoenix Children’s. Grief does not begin at the moment of death, and it certainly does not end when a family walks out of the hospital doors.
For some families, our support begins before a child dies, as parents and siblings face a serious illness, difficult decisions or the possibility that their child may not survive. For others, death comes suddenly, with little or no opportunity to prepare. We meet families wherever they are, offering support during end-of-life care and immediately following a death, and continuing that care as they begin navigating life without their child.
Our Bereavement Program provides families with ongoing support for up to two years after a child’s death, sometimes longer, depending on the circumstances. That support can look different for every family. It may include individual grief counseling, sibling and family support, workshops, remembrance opportunities, connection with community resources or simply having a familiar person who remembers their child and understands some of what their family has experienced.
And grief changes over time.
The family I met during that Honor Walk taught me this in countless ways. In the years following their son’s death, I continued supporting his parents and surviving sister as they encountered birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, family conflict and milestones he should have been there to experience, including the year his classmates graduated from high school.
We also navigated something bereaved parents may not anticipate: the death of one child can change the experience of parenting the child who is still here. Grief belongs to the whole family, but each person experiences it differently. Children and adolescents may also return to their grief as they grow, understanding their sibling’s death in new ways as they reach new developmental stages.
Over time, this family’s work shifted. The earliest days were about surviving an unimaginable loss. Eventually, we began exploring what it meant to continue living while carrying their son with them.
His room evolved. Some belongings were kept, others repurposed or released. Photographs and traditions remained. His mother eventually transformed pieces of her own grief into suicide awareness and prevention efforts supporting other young people.
Their grief is not over, and that has never been the goal.
Healthy grieving does not require leaving behind the person who died. Families can learn to maintain an enduring connection with their child while continuing to live, grow and experience joy. Love and grief can exist alongside one another.
During National Children’s Grief Awareness Month, it is especially important to remember that children grieve, too. They need honest, developmentally appropriate conversations, opportunities to ask questions and remember, and adults who are willing to revisit those conversations as they grow. Parents and caregivers may need support as they balance their own grief with the needs of surviving children.
That is why pediatric bereavement care must extend beyond a single moment, encounter or service.
At Phoenix Children’s, our goal is to walk alongside families through serious illness, death and grief, to meet them before goodbye, when possible, stand beside them during the unimaginable and remain a source of support as they learn what it means to carry both grief and love forward.
Because a child’s death may change our relationship with a family, but it does not mean our responsibility to care for them has ended.